In the modern world, with divorce rates skyrocketing and too many families split apart, it can be absolutely vital that the children receive the family stability that they need to grow into well-adjusted members of society. Oftentimes, when a couple separates, the people involved move on and find a new marriage. When a stepchild is involved, the stepparent may wish to adopt the child as their stepchild. And in many cases, adoption is in the best interest of the stepchild and the family as a whole. The stepchild may feel more like a member of the new family unit, and the stepparent can feel like they have a more concrete role in the stepchild’s life and upbringing.

Considerations Before Adopting

The single most important thing a prospective stepparent can do is talk to their spouse. It is absolutely vital that they fully support this decision. It is of equal importance that the spouse be involved with every stage of the adoption process. They must think that the adoption of the stepchild is in the best interests of the stepchild, themselves, and the stepchild’s other biological parent. The circumstances surrounding both the old and new relationship will dictate in large part whether this decision is the best for everyone involved. If the spouse or biological parent do not feel that adoption is in the stepchild’s best interests, discuss the reasons why and see if they can be worked on. After some time has passed may be the best time to renew discussions on adoption.

The Next Steps

If, after the stepparent has discussed adoption with their spouse, both have decided that adoption would be a good thing, the stepparent should discuss adoption with the stepchild, if they are old enough to understand. It is very important that the stepchild understands what adoption means, both for them and for the stepparent. If they are old enough to discuss adoption with, give them the choice. Be sure they understand that it is their decision, but no matter what the stepparent will continue to love them just the same. The stepparent absolutely should not put any pressure on the stepchild to make the decision, and should give the stepchild plenty of time to think about it. Do not attempt to force an immediate answer.

The Biological Parent

As a stepparent, you have to understand that the biological parent has to consent to the adoption. If, for any reason, the biological parent cannot be reached, then a family court can make the decision. If the biological parent has abandoned the stepchild, or if they are unfit to consent for mental or other reasons, the court can decide for or against adoption proceedings. If the biological parent is deceased, there is no consent required other than the spouse’s willingness to allow adoption to take place.

Final Steps

Once everyone involved has given consent, the stepparent should secure the services of a lawyer to assist with the paperwork and other processes involved in adoption. The last thing for a stepparent to decide, is whether the stepchild should keep their own last name after adoption, or take the stepparent’s last name. If the stepchild is old enough, again, the stepparent should discuss and leave the decision to the stepchild.



Thanks to Abhishek Agarwal for contributing this article to our Adoption blog:

Adopting A Special Needs Child