Would you recommend an open or closed adoption?
September 30, 2009 by Adoption Information and Laws
Filed under More Adoption Answers
Can you answer Mrs. Bland TTC # 1’s question about Adoption?:
My husband and I are both 24 and TTC baby # 1. We want to have 2 kids and then adopt 2 or more. Which adoption do you think is better? Open or closed?
When I adopt I’d prefer an open adoption. I was also thinking about starting a foster care when I’m older.
Adopting From an Orphanage
My husband and I are both 24 and TTC baby # 1. We want to have 2 kids and then adopt 2 or more. Which adoption do you think is better? Open or closed?
When I adopt I’d prefer an open adoption. I was also thinking about starting a foster care when I’m older.
Adopting From an Orphanage
Adoption Feedback: It just really depends on so many variables. The best thing to do is to talk to an agency and fully educate yourself on what each option would mean for you, the child and the biological parents for the rest of that child’s life.
Adoption Feedback: Open if the first family is rational and does not pose a threat to the child, as happens in some foster care-type placements.
Adoption Feedback: OPEN with the exception for abusive natural parents.
Adoption Feedback: I would say open, in my case, thats the route my husband and I went. This way my son gets to know both sides of life and not miss out on anything. He knows his birth mother and where he came from.
Adoption Feedback: Frankly, I wouldn’t recommend adoption at all. It is not the same as having children of you own.
“Open or closed” still does not negate the potential loss/trauma of the adoptee and the natural parents. Don’t believe anyone who says that either one is better. They are often just different versions of hell.
Check out this article: “Why Would Anybody who was Raised in a Loving Home be Unhappy About Being Adopted?” (link below). An excerpt:
“Adoption isn’t doing anything for humanity. It isn’t helping end third world poverty, it isn’t helping children with AID’s it isn’t reducing the number of children in orphanages, it isn’t reducing the number of children who are being surrendered, it is only helping the adoptive parents get the child they wanted. It is a consumer driven industry that has been built off of the trauma separation and loss of mother and child and father. It is creating unnecessary loss and separation in thousands of families. It is raping people of their ancestry, culture, history and self.”
or “The Open Adoption Experiment” (link below)
Adoption Feedback: foster care. you don’t need to OWN a kid, with paperwork, just to be a parent or guardian.
Adoption Feedback: There are many variables in this question, as stated by some of the others who have answered. My oldest daughter was adopted internationally and there was no family to be open with (she was abandoned at an orphanage in India) so that was not an issue. Our youngest was just adopted this past summer and is still less then a year old but her birth family is a mess. Dad is in jail for both abusing mom and selling drugs and mom is nowhere to be found. She refused all help/treatment and after dropping baby off at the hospital on the night she was born the most contact she has had with her was a total of 8 x 1.5 hour visits over a 6 month period of time (there was one scheduled each week so she only showed for about one third of them). She did not even show for the court hearing, preferring to relinquish her rights through her lawyer. In this case, a closed adoption was done (we insisted on it) although we have the option to keep in touch through a third party office with the department.
Which ever way you choose to go, consider it carefully. There are many here who insist that open adoptions are in the best interest of all and I’m not convinced of that but it really does depend upon the situations involved.
Adoption Feedback: I have an ‘open’ adoption with my children’s family. For now we all meet up a few times a year and exchange letters and the occasional gift. It could change if either of the Bparents feel they can’t for whatever reason they can’t face seeing our daughters grow. BUT if that happens we plan to leave the door unlocked with the welcome mat still there for the future.
I don’t see why people need to totally close the door, (Except in cases of abusive Bparents.) You will have periods where there isn’t any contact because things happen throughout the years that make it harder for both. I say have it open, even if the Bmother chooses for the first years not to see her child. Let her know if she changes her mind you’d love to hear from her. Keep the ‘Welcome mat’ at the partially open door for when the time comes that your kids could ask to see her or vise verse. It will benefit your children to think like this its a far more positive approach and you won’t be worrying about hypothetical that may never happen
Having an open adoption doesn’t mean you have to give your private information like telephone numbers addresses. Just keep going through post adoptions until everyone feels comfortable with exchanging details. And make sure your children have the ultimate say in how much contact they have with Families when they are old enough to decide. Lets not take that choice at least away from them.
I read an answer that mentioned totally closed adoptions can be like a black hole for Bfamilies and adoptee. That was a good way to see it from their POV. Don’t create that situation by closing them off completely allow then the courtesy of respect by allowing them to come back and be part of their child’s life when they are ready and your child is ready.
Adoption Feedback: open is better for the child.
Adoption Feedback: Adoptees come with an entire history before they are adopted.
They need to know that history – meet and see those that look, act and have talents like them – they need ALL their truth – and they need adults who will allow them to love all their families – as they have many – and they need adoptive parents that understand the complexities involved.
Closed adoption is harmful to a child.
I lived it for 39 years and counting.
I’ve suffered through depressives episodes my entire life – mostly because I wasn’t allowed to know where I came from – or see people that looked like me. It’s human nature to know this stuff – why would it be any different for an adoptee??
It’s important for children to see others that mirror them. (genetically)
Closed adoptions should ONLY happen if there is harm present – but even then – children should have full disclosure of who they are and where they came from – and be allowed to make contact when they themselves are adults. Also contact with extended family is recommended.
If you want to go into adoption to pretend that the child is your own – please don’t adopt.
That’s not what adoption is all about for the adoptee.
Adoption should be about finding a loving home for a child that needs one – not erasing that child’s former self – to fill the needs of adults.
Adoption Feedback: If at all possible it’s definetly better for everyone involved to have an open adoption. Of course in foster-adoption and international adoptions this isn’t always an option.
There are different levels of openess that both sides are comfortable with, but just make sure that if you agree to an open adoption that you keep it that way.
Adoption Feedback: I would say neither. Have your own children and leave it at that. Otherwise look into Foster Care. Don’t feed the industry seeking to separate more babies and mothers. It is cruel.
Adoption Feedback: Closed Adoption is inhumane.
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child state that it is every human’s right to know the truth of their origins. A RIGHT.
Most civilized countries adhere to this principle. Unfortunately some ignore it.
Adoption Feedback: i would say open because im up for adoption and its a closed adoption and i don’t even know who my real mom is or my father so open is the way to go for any child if you want them to have a relationship with there real parents..
Adoption Feedback: OPEN
If you’re kids in the future want to find them, it won’t be hard.
My adoption was closed and it’s been such hell trying to find out information. You need to understand though, that just cuz they might want to find their birth parents in the future, that does NOT mean that they don’t consider you their parents. They just wanna know their roots.