What should my adopted daughter call her birth mother?
August 15, 2009 by Adoption Information and Laws
Filed under More Adoption Answers
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My husband and I adopted a beautiful baby girl about a year ago from a lovely young couple who were just not ready to parent a baby. We still keep in touch with the birth parents, especially the mother, on a limited but regular basis. Our daughter is now talking and I want her to be able to address her birth mother in a special way but do not like the terms “special mother”, “birth mother”, “natural mother” but feel that simply addressing her by her first name is not quite appropriate either. Help!
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My husband and I adopted a beautiful baby girl about a year ago from a lovely young couple who were just not ready to parent a baby. We still keep in touch with the birth parents, especially the mother, on a limited but regular basis. Our daughter is now talking and I want her to be able to address her birth mother in a special way but do not like the terms “special mother”, “birth mother”, “natural mother” but feel that simply addressing her by her first name is not quite appropriate either. Help!
Family Adoption Services
Adoption Feedback: Could she call her ‘mother’ and you ‘Mom’?
Adoption Feedback: i don’t know. maybe aunt? maybe her friend?
Adoption Feedback: How about “Mommy (first name of birth mother)”… Like “Mommy Jane” (for instance). That will differentiate her from you and still be special.
Adoption Feedback: let her call her whatever she wants to call her
Adoption Feedback: Man that’s a hard one.
mother(her name),and you mommy
Adoption Feedback: First congrats on being a mother! I would let your daughter call her by her first name i don’t think its rude in any way it is what her friends, family, coworkers etc. call her. You are her mother now because she gave up those rights.
Adoption Feedback: While I hope not, you may come to regret maintaining a regular relationship with the birth parents & especially the mother. I would suggest she call her by their names, like Ann & Joe, or whatever it is, or even with a bit more formality, Miss Ann or Mr. Joe, or example - I don’t think I’d go down the road of Mama Ann & Daddy Joe, or Aunt Ann & Uncle Joe, or anything like that. A child is a child & when older, knowing they have other parents, they can play that like a fiddle when they want to - be prepared for the day when your baby girl is older & gets angry & tells you she’s going to go live with her REAL mother, because that will likely happen & you’ll need to be prepared to nip that. Also if the birth parents will be part of your lives, you need to have a good understanding with them, that if that happens, they are NOT to encourage it, even if they agree with her & disagree with you. Guess my response turned in more than a name for birth mom & birth dad, but just because you have legal papers making you the parents, doesn’t mean they can’t have a lot of influence over your child.
Adoption Feedback: let her decide what to call her when she gets older. you don’t want to start confusing child too early.
Adoption Feedback: Think about this. Should she call her “Real Mommy” and call you “Adopted Mommy”? Of course not. The biological mother is the egg donor; the woman raising her is the mother. Call her by her given name but add Miss in front of it, i.e. Miss Ruby, or simply call her by her married name, Mrs. Whatever.
Adoption Feedback: Let’s say your daughter’s biological mother is named Betty
Why not have her be called “Momma B” or something of the like?
This way it will differentiate between the two of you, without placing any sort of special title to her biological mother.
Adoption Feedback: Our friend’s child calls her biological mother “Mama Lois.” Of course Lois is her first name. She calls her adoptive mother Mama.
‘Natural mother’ and ‘Natural child’ are not good terms. One time our pastor used that term on Mother’s Day, and my grandkids (adopted at 4 months) couldn’t figure out why they weren’t natural children.
Adoption Feedback: Say her birth mother’s name is “Sarah”, she can call her, “Mama Sarah”. You may want to talk about this with the birth mother as well. I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you are keeping in touch with the birth parents. I do believe you will be moreso her mom since you are raising her. And I do believe that the little girl needs to know of her birth mother. This is a difficult question. I can certainly understand your dilema here.
How about, “mom mom” for her birth mother, and “mama” for you? I’m not fond of being called, ‘mother’, as it sounds so formal.
I hope this helps.
Adoption Feedback: i think that you should let her call her by her first name. my sister is adopted and whenever her mom comes up in a conversation she butts in and says “oh my mom this and that” i think it really hurts my mom. so calling her by her first name would be appropriate. also, i think its great your keeping in touch with the parents.