Does closed adoption promote the idea that children are property to be owned?
September 27, 2009 by Adoption Information and Laws
Filed under More Adoption Answers
Can you answer PhilM’s question about Adoption?:
After all, if the idea behind closed adoption is that the adoptive parent wants the child to be hers and hers alone, isn’t that suggestive of possessiveness and ownership?
“Did it ever occur to you that the adoptive parents want to feel like it is their child”?
After all, if the idea behind closed adoption is that the adoptive parent wants the child to be hers and hers alone, isn’t that suggestive of possessiveness and ownership?
“Did it ever occur to you that the adoptive parents want to feel like it is their child”?
Yes. It did. That’s why it seems like it promotes the idea of children as property.
And, in case you were curious, I have a LOT to do with adoption.
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Adoption Feedback: I don’t think so. I think that closed adoptions were more common in the past when an out of wedlock baby was considered a shameful event. Many mothers who put their baby up for adoption hid the fact that they were pregnant, and then it was never spoken of again. I think that closed adoptions were more to protect the identity of the birth mother than because the adoptive parents were being possessive.
Adoption Feedback: YES, But some first parents want closed adoption too.Lets not forget that.
Anyway, I think its a child’s’ NATURAL RIGHT to know who their parent are. I don’t think a parent, natural or not, should keep that from them.
ETA- I just wanted to add that there is nothing that will make me feel any less of a mother. No matter how close he gets to his mom. He has room in his heart for both of us.
Adoption Feedback: Well yes it is. In a way. Closed adoptions are bad in so many ways. Cheif amoung the ways are how it closes off the adopted child from information about thier family- health issues etc.
Adoption Feedback: Did it ever occur to you that the adoptive parents want to feel like it is their child with nobody interfering…that they want to feel like real parents and not just care takers?
You obviously don’t have children and don’t know what the feeling is like.
If someone gives their kid up, that is their choice and it is final.If you want to live a child free life for whatever reason that may be (good or bad) then prepare to not be in the child’s life.
By the way, anyone KNOWLEDGEABLE on adoption would know that it is possible to obtain information on birth parents IF the birth parents make it available.
Adoption Feedback: Adoptions should be banned unless the parents are dead.
Legal Guardianship should be substituted.
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People who adopt children abducted by the government from parents who do not have the means to defend their family are the lowest scumbags on earth.
Adoption Feedback: No it doesn’t. In a regular birth you would have that ownership of having your own child. Adoptive parents just want that same ownership. It’s not possessiveness, it’s parenthood.
Adoption Feedback: The history of adoption that led up to making it as secretive, closed and sealed up as possible was all about making it appear as though the child had been born to the adoptive parents. Just read about the history, as well as the chronology of legislation, and this is quite clear. It was never about “privacy” for the first parents. In fact, records remained open to the adoptive parents and the adopted persons for many years, despite being sealed from the first parents. The whole idea was to keep the first parents away from the adoptive family, not the other way around.
For an adoptive parent to want to choose closed adoption is to carry on this experiment of “as if born to.” The does include some sort of concept that the child is possessed by the adoptive parents. Knowing full well that the child has another set of parents — those to whom s/he was born — yet denying it by trying to keep them out of the picture — denies part of who the child is. A sense of ownership, then, does appear to exist.
Adoption Feedback: I think I know where this question came up – in an answer that you gave about closed adoptions and the adoptive parent wanted it to be her choice / no contact / adopt from birth and deny the child any relationship with their is no harm involved! Loved your answer and wish I could have given you more than 1 thumbs up!
Now, in this aspect I do believe that it would promote the idea that children are property! OMG – this idea makes me sick! I don’t OWN any of my children – there is no mortgage at the bank for them that I make monthly payments on. Do I wish we could have an open relationship with our sons first parents – yes – but being he was pulled from the house because of drug paraphernalia laying around and abuse (which is still going on) it’s not in the best interest at this time – will we look into it in the future – yes as we still believe that people can change even at the worst times of their lives!
Adoption Feedback: I think so.
Children are NOT PETS! They can not be OWNED! All any parent can do is educate, guide and love but never own or control.
I hate this, I am not a rainbow farting, fluffy, bunny to be owned and shown off.
Adoption Feedback: I don’t agree with you on this one. I think that for many who want them, closed adoptions are about wanting to parent without interference or distraction.
For some, myself included, closed adoptions are about safety and security. My youngest was never abused however she was abandoned at the hospital by a young mother with 6 other children who had been seized by CAS and placed for adoption over the years. The babies bio father was also a known drug trafficker with a history of violence. I’ve been in law enforcement for 23 years now and have two other children. In our case, CAS insisted on a closed adoption however if they didn’t, we would have. The last thing me, my family or my youngest daughter needs is distractions or risk associated with this situation.
Now, I know the details of these people, not because of my job but because we were the babies foster parents to start with and I kept my eyes open when paperwork was around at places like Doctors offices and to check her out of the hospital we had access to the necessary paperwork that gave us details of the bio parents. I’ve said here before, I will never speak ill of my daughters bio parents but as she gets older and as she asks we will explain things to her in an age appropriate manner. If she ever wants to make contact, I have the details that will greatly assist her and if she doesn’t want to then those details will remain secure and things will remain closed.
Adoption Feedback: its usually the birth parents who want a closed adoption because they cant deal with the pain of seeing their child….or for safety reasons
POINT: its not used for once reason and especially not to make property out of any child. this is offensive
Adoption Feedback: No, it promotes the idea that if you don’t care enough about your child to keep them, you have no right to be a part of their lives and no longer deserve to call yourself a parent
Adoption Feedback: z z: “Did it ever occur to you that the adoptive parents want to feel like it is their child with nobody interfering…that they want to feel like real parents and not just care takers? ”
Funny, that. Because my mom openly admitted to me that she felt like she was my “care taker” – even WITHOUT any interference from my biological mother who lives 12 hours away across the Pacific Ocean, separated by a cultural and language barrier.
Yeah, my adoptive mom felt she was my REAL parent. But she also knew she was raising someone ELSE’S kid, hence the term “care taker.” She never forgot that fact.
If the adoptive parents feel they need to shut the door during an open adoption on (caring, non-abusive, non-neglectful) biological parents, then there’s a huge insecurity issue that should be addressed.
Yeah, the child is the adoptive parents’ child. But that child is also emotionally the biological parents’ child.
Any secure parent understands and acknowledges that, even if the biological parent cannot be there in the physical sense.
Adoption Feedback: Yes, the idea of closed adoption promotes this because the intent is to remove the natural parents from the picture entirely.
As well, if you pay tens of thousands of dollars for a child, you “want your money’s worth.” You are in essence purchasing parenthood of that child, and the more money it costs, the less you’ll want someone who “had the child for free” getting any privileges.
My son’s former adoptive parents were very precise: “X is a member of this family and shall NOT be shared in any way, shape or form” was their email to me, a year and a half into my reunion with my son. That was the email in which they virtually told me that they were not going to permit any more contact, that reunion was a “fantasy,” and that all I was useful for was to provide “historical and medical information.” They even talked about how much they had “invested” in him over the years, as if he was a mutual fund or insurance policy.
Needless to say, this was not what HE wanted in the slightest. But at age 21, they still considered him to be their “possession” and could not deal with the fact that he had 2 other loving parents and a stepfather (my husband).
So, yes, both closed adoption and closed records does maintain that belief, I feel. But fees paid for babies contribute to this as well.
Adoption Feedback: I honestly don’t think so. I was born 50 years ago, and at that time there were many more closed adoptions then open ones. It is not always the adoptive parents idea for the closed adoption either. The birth mom or our son chose to have an open adoption- our daughter’s birth mom did not. I know that you and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things ,however I hope that we can agree on one thing here,Phil. When a couple has “their own biological child”- When they are born, do they care to share their child with someone else, or it is theirs? Just because someone chooses a closed adoption does not make that person possessive.
Adoption Feedback: This is definitely a question without a clean yes or no answer.
Now, if we are speaking about an agreed upon open adoption that the adoptive parents decided to close without just cause, then I can certainly see how it could be considered possessive.
However, if both parties, first and adoptive parents agreed to this arrangement, then no, as the adults in the equation made the decision together.
And what if it was the first parents that chose to go the closed adoption route? What would it mean then?
Both of our adoptions are closed, however, that’s not what we sought out. Our elder daughter is from China and her adoption is considered closed, simply because she was abandoned without any information about her past or parents. My new son came to us through domestic foster care and his adoption is closed due to safety concerns. So in our case, no, it has nothing to do with ownership, far from it.
Adoption Feedback: As a parent of an adopted child, i feel the need to shed some light here. Many times its the birth mother/father who want the adoption to be closed. I know in our case, thats exactly what happened.
Its not an issue of possessiveness or ownership, its a matter of privacy for many. In our case, we are respecting the wishes of those who chose this option.
Adoption Feedback: Absolutely! Some of the answers given right here prove so.
I have such an aversion to those censorious and possessive people who feel that we adoptees have incurred ‘dues’ that are to be paid in the form of doors being kept locked and bonds remaining eternally dissolved until everyone is dead.
Truth and honesty in adoption is in the best interests of the child, and that includes access to their own heritage, identity and details of their own lives without guilt trips or any other impediment.
I’m so lucky my Aparents aren’t like that; they feel just as cross about closed adoption as I do and are in no way threatened by my seeking out my roots – I guess they are in the minority! what a shame. Possessiveness is counterproductive IMHO
zz has obviously never grown up in the dark, nor felt genetic bewilderment ppffft