Comments on: Open adoption?

By: Katie K

Katie K — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:04:49 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I have a semi-open adoption……

If you are choosing to give your child up for adoption you have choices! FIRST contact a local adoption agency (I personally suggest going local and not to one of the national companies…I don’t feel you get the same support and care that way)
An adoption counselor can give you more information, but you can chose the family if you wish, you can meet them once, twice, however many times it takes for you to make a decision. During these meetings you need to tell the adoptive parents what you want….do you want pictures and letters? then how often?
do you want visits?, how often…where will they take place etc.

Open adoptions generally you know a lot more about the A parents….I have a semi open which means at the beginning I didn’t know where they lived exactly, or last names….but I did get pictures visits etc but all was coordinated through the Agency. Now (5 years later) I have developed a great relationship with the A parents so things are a little different.

By: kitten16_18

kitten16_18 — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:50:02 +0000

Adoption Feedback: Hi I think that Open adoption is a wonderful idea because I did a lot of research on the subject because me and my husband have been trying to have a child for over 5 years now with no luck and we looked into other options like a surrogate and the closed adoptions and we like the Open adoption the most because we would want the birth mother to be just as involved in the child’s life as we would be. So we are looking to do an Open Adoption. We live in Pennsylvania. If you want you can e-mail me or IM me on yahoo messenger if you ever need someone to talk to.

By: Herbie

Herbie — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 22:13:17 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I’m here in Michigan and have been through the adoption process as the birthmom. Here’s the ppl that I ran to for everything. They have an 800 number, so just call or stop in and visit if you’re near here.

By: Jennifer L

Jennifer L — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:05:13 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I think it’s great that you are taking a good look at open adoptions, in fact, I believe that women considering placing their child for adoption should get as much education as they can on adoption, your rights, as well as resources to assist you to parent your child, if you choose to do that.

I’m sure most of your questions have already been answered, so I’ll just emphasize a couple points:

You don’t have to make any decision right now. You don’t have to make a decision until after the child is born, if you don’t want to.

Open adoptions are not legally enforcable in most states.

Good luck to you, whatever you choose.

By: lahdh4

lahdh4 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:41:56 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I just have to point this out Cherise. Learn will you.

Open adoption involves all parties knowing about the other. All information is exchanged. Last names, addresses, email, phone numbers and get this Cherise, VISITS!!!

While in many states OA are not legally binding there are a few, and select few at that, where they are. You choose the parents and you can get together before the birth of your child. You can change your mind at any point up until you sign TPR papers.

Some of the people on here need to learn a few things before they answer for things they know nothing about.

By: Possum

Possum — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:49:58 +0000

Adoption Feedback: Do NOT commit to anything until this baby is born.
Until that time – think about parenting – and see how you go.
Adoption is a long term solution – to an often short term problem.
Adoption will have life long affects on you and on this child.
Children WANT to be with the mothers they grew inside.
That’s why they turn their heads when mother talks soon after birth.
This child knows you.
Take some time to get to know him/her.
Adoption – in my opinion – should only be when you really really can’t parent.
Write a list – what can you give this child.
This child doesn’t need a whole heap – but most importantly – he/she needs love and care – oddles of it.
If you can give that – everything else is findable – and possible.
I’m sure you will be a GREAT mum.
In Australia – no pre-birth plans are made – because they can be coercive. Once you meet a family that wants your child – they will say and do things (most likely) to make you feel guilty for wanting to keep your child.
But this is YOUR child – until you make your final decision.
Please remember that – above all.
Be very very aware of adoption agencies also – they also want your baby – as they will make a great deal of money from your baby.
Open adoptions are NOT enforceable. Some great AP’s here do have successful open adoptions – but too many in this world are closed down – and the first parents suffer greatly.
Here’s a site about mother’s rights –
I wish you and your baby all the best the world can give – together.
(I’ve missed my mother for 38 years – and all she needed was someone to say – YES – you can parent just fine)

By: GEE-GEE

GEE-GEE — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:20:53 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I am very familiar with open adoption. I adopted my son 3 years ago, and we are on the waiting list to do it again.
You get to choose the family from a list of couples that have already gone through their background checks, physicals, homestudies etc. They are basically all approved to adopted. So you can call them, talk to them, ask questions, meet them, go to their house etc. all before the baby is born. During the adoption process you sit down with your counselor and the family and decide how much contact you want. Do you only want updates, and pictures, or do you want to be able to see the baby anytime you want. All that is worked out before the baby is born. Then you just follow the plan. We believe in having very open adoption. We see our sons birth mother as much as possible. We feel that it is important to educate him on the adoption and to let him know all the family he has. I think it is a smoother transition into adulthood and that way he will not have to wonder why, or who his family is etc. I think it will lead to a more balance life in the end.
Email me anytime you want if you have more quesitons.

By: AMY J

AMY J — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:25:56 +0000

Adoption Feedback: i think the majority of your questions have been answered here but in my experiance i know someone that gave a child up in an open adoption, it was a matter of trust for the most part, she did she her birth son every now & then but eventually the birth mom got to involved & wanted him back (he was about 3 or 4 at this point) so the ap’s made it so contact was only updates & little things like that.

i believe in most places you had 10 days to change your mind ater the baby is born & the papers are signed but ALWAYZ read the fine print as it may be the link between seeing or not seeing the child.

i think it’s awesome that your thinking about adoption for your child most people are not mature enough to make the decision in the best intrest of the child i hope all works out well for you

By: Adele E

Adele E — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:51:17 +0000

Adoption Feedback: I just had a baby boy on 4-12-08 and i adopted him out in an open adoption, and let me tell you it was the best experance!! i never new it could be like that this was the first time i had ever adopted out a baby but i always thought it was going to be like.. ok here is the baby and that was it… but when i was 4 monts pregnaunt i found a couple on line all i did was type my state and adoption, their adoption profile fit everything i was hopeing for open adoption lots of contact and i wanted this to be there first child, anyway i contacted them via email and then from there it just clicked, open adoption is the best!

By: sizesmith

sizesmith — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:34:27 +0000

Adoption Feedback: Hello,
Open adoption often works just on the trust of the parents you choose. We have tried open adoption with our birth mom to our son, and she doesn’t try to see him anymore. Each state’s laws are different. In our state, you can sign the consent forms before the baby is born, however, they aren’t legally binding for 10 days afterwards. Read everything you sign, and it should be spelled out. Ask for a fine in the open adoption if the adoptive parents don’t follow it, there should be a fine. It is easier to enforce this than making allowances for forced seeing the child. You have the rights to not only meet the adopting parents, but their extended family as well. Someone who has been stable in the area for years, and has extended family will be much easier to search for than ones who have only cell phones and rent. I thank God for my birth mother to my son every day, and wish we could adopt again. Good luck!