You and the birth mother choose how much contact you want to have. It isn’t like she’s going to live with you. Plus, whether or not it confuses your child is really up to how you deal with it. Pardon me, but I really think that is a lame excuse for adoptive parents to get out of acknowledging their child has another mom.

If you care at all about your child, or the woman that made one of the most difficult sacrifices there are on this earth for YOUR family, then you should acknowledge their connection. If you feel threatened or inadequate by the fact that they have one, then I don’t believe you are fit to parent an adopted child at this time.

I don’t care what people say about the “oh, the whole genetic structure of the child and family history” would be helpful. So what? If I have two aunts that die of breast cancer and I’m more susceptible to it… as the child, what does that really mean, when you think about it? Will the adopting parents gain anything from knowing that? Will the child really gain any sort of life altering prospective knowing that? I’m not so sure they do…

I 100% support open adoption. We are all human, which means we have a lot of complex and competing emotions, but ultimately as adults we have to put our children first.

It is ALWAYS in a child’s interest to have ALL of their information even if it isn’t pretty. It belongs to them. Also, barring any safety issues, I also believe it is imperative that adopted children have access to their first family. It only becomes confusing for the child if the parents make it that way.

Children understand more than adults give them credit for. They understand their world. If they grown up knowing they are adopted and they live with mommy and daddy, but they also have another set of parents that created them and can see them and talk to them and have their questions answered… well, I’m sorry, please someone point out the negative here.

Both sets of parents need to get over themselves, come together and create a welcoming, understanding and loving environment for a child.

In open adoption there are many factors to consider how often visits will happen; some people in open adoption might have a visit 2 or 3 times a year. While others might go every few months, some perhaps even every few weeks. No one should go into an open adoption that they are not comfortable with. If you have an open adoption one can always add visits or just rework it.

Also rules and boundaries need to be set. The natural parents shouldn’t just decide to pop in when ever they feel like it or call up on the phone all the time. They should never try and undermined your parenting, if they don’t like your parenting styles/ discipline that is their problem.

An adoptee needs to know ALL his/her families – for better emotional and psychological health.

If you can’t allow this – YOU ARE SELFISH – you are making it about your own insecurities – and NOT about the child.

How on earth can you ‘honour’ the bio parents – when you won’t allow contact??

Not allowing contact – is telling the child – that something is wrong with them – therefore – something must be wrong with the adoptee – as that child will be made up of 100% genetics from those two other parents.

Adoption isn’t about a child getting a replacement family – it’s about getting a bigger family.

This child will not be dropping from space – from no where.

An adoptee needs to know their own truth – and they need to be able to hear it from the people that gave them away.
(not through your interpretation of the events)

If you wanted to have a child solely of your own – you should have had your own bio child.
If you can’t – I’m sorry – but this child will NOT be that – and you need to realise that.

No adoptee needs the added stress of trying fulfill an AP’s dream. Those boots are too big to fill.

An adoptee needs to see and hear those that have the same genetic make-up as themselves – or looking in a mirror – will always be strange for them.
(I know – I’ve lived in a closed adoption for 38 years – and it’s really really hard to get a proper self-image and self-concept – when you’re not allowed to know where you came from)

If you don’t allow for an open adoption – the adoptee will learn quickly not to ask questions – as obviously you would look all ‘wounded’ that the child wants to know about where they came from etc – and would shut up quick.
(but that child will have deep emotional scares on the inside from your selfish actions – that you won’t be able to see)

A child doesn’t ask to be given away to a family of complete strangers.
Those decisions were made by adults.

Do NOT make that child suffer even more – just because it’s all too hard for YOU.

Adoption is supposed to be about the child.
Stop making it all about YOU.