Can you answer ShauneeBaby’s question about Adoption?:

my older brother is adopted,he has been since before he was born or whatever. Anyway, he is 17 and it turns out he’s bipolar. When my parents adopted him, it was kind of a closed adoption, they weren’t allowed to know my brothers parents’ last names and stuff. now, since being bipolar is often inherited, is there any way to find your parents through closed adoption without any fees or anything?

Adopting From Kazakhstan

When you are adopting, one thing to think about is whether you want an open or closed adoption. Closed adoptions have been the norm for quite some time. It is the way adoptions have been traditionally done with the two parties involved not knowing anything about the other, not even names. In this scenario, there were many secrets and no way to tell if any sort of information you got on the other party was true. This at times could lead to resentment between the parties and caused problems in the future if the two had ever met. Closed adoptions are still similar in the respect that no information is given on any parties, but they are handled with more care than history recalls.

Open adoptions are very different. The particulars of an open adoption are confidential except to the parties involved. Open adoptions give the birth mother an active role in decided where her child is going to end up. In this situation instead of an agency finding a match and telling parents there is a baby available without any other information, the birth mother selects candidates. After going through a list of potential parents, the birth mother will pick who she wants her baby to live with. This begins the process of an open adoption.

The two parties do not meet right away. They are gradually brought together. In the beginning, only first names are given. More information is given to both parties as the adoption progresses further and with each party’s comfort level. In open adoptions, the parties often meet and can exchange contact information. This way the birth mother has a way of meeting the people her child is going to and the prospective parents know about the child from the mother. In an open adoption, the mother can never claim ignorance that she didn’t know what was going on. The terms of the adoption are spelled out for her right from the beginning giving an advantage to the prospective parents.

Open adoptions can bring complications or joys depending on how an individual sees it. With open adoptions, there are ways to keep an open line of communication between the two parties once the baby is given to the adoptive parents. The birth mother can stay in the loop on what is going on in the child’s life. However, there are some adoptive parents who may not feel comfortable in this situation or even knowing anything about the birth mother. Some adoptive parents want to remain as anonymous as possible and not share more information than needed with the birth mother.

These are people who definitely need to consider closed adoptions. Another disadvantage to an open adoption is the actual communication itself. By the birth mother meeting the prospective parents, she may see something or hear something she may not like and change her mind on that family. Some prospective parents might not be able to handle this type of rejection. Open adoptions require a lot of communication and the better the line of communication, the better the process will go.

In a closed adoption, usually the only type of information that is given is non-identifying medical information or any background that is pertinent to the child. Once a closed adoption is finalized, the file is sealed and usually never made available again. This can pose problems in the future when the adopted child wants to know more about his or her birth family.

There are many options to consider in when adopting. Deciding on open are closed adoptions is just one of those choices.



Thanks to Abhishek Agarwal for contributing this article to our Adoption blog:

International Adoption Kazakhstan

Can you answer Mrs. Bland TTC # 1’s question about Adoption?:

My husband and I are both 24 and TTC baby # 1. We want to have 2 kids and then adopt 2 or more. Which adoption do you think is better? Open or closed?
When I adopt I’d prefer an open adoption. I was also thinking about starting a foster care when I’m older.

Adopting From an Orphanage

Once the adoption process starts, there are two ways it could go down. It will be either a closed adoption or an open adoption. Closed adoptions are the way adoptions were traditionally done. There is no contact between the prospective parents and the birth mother. All information, the limited information, is given through the adoption agency. In an open adoption, both parties have an open line of communication. The birth mother actually picks the family she wants her child to go to and then spends time learning about the family.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both scenarios. The prospective parents have to know how they are going to be most comfortable. Parents might get the jitters of knowing the birth mother and have an issue with knowing who she is. Others want to know exactly where their child is coming from.

The term open adoption might seem misleading. Just because it is open doesn’t mean anyone is privy to the information regarding the adoption. Only the birth mother and the prospective parents are allowed to know details. An adoption agent will pair a mother and a potential family and exchange information about the parties. If it progresses further, the two clients will meet and possibly exchange contact information. This way the two families can stay in touch with each other. Prospective parents need to be cautious in dealing with this type of adoption. While there have been loads of successful cases, there have been horror stories associated with open adoptions. The birth mother uses this as a way to get extra money from the parents. More money than was initially agreed upon. Be cautious and vigil.

The key to a good open adoption is having great communication. Ask as many questions as possible and don’t be afraid to answer any questions. Being honest will go a long way in open adoptions. Another thing to consider in open adoptions is the future of your child. When the child learns that they were adopted, they might want to meet the birth mother. In this case, it will be easier to find the birth mother.

Some prospective parents might feel uncomfortable in this situation. The parents are desperate for a child; they don’t want to do anything to scare away the birth mother. They fear saying or doing the wrong thing. They worry the birth mother will not like them. If this type of situation is too much too handle, closed adoptions might be a better fit for prospective parents.

Closed adoptions offer limited information about the parties. Historically, such limited information led to problems between the clients, but that is not the case anymore. Adoption agencies handle the situations with utmost care. The agencies are there to make both parties are happy with the least amount of complications. In this situation, it is usually left up to the adoptive parents to let the child know he or she was adopted. It is also usually harder for an adopted child to find his birth mother, which could lead to problems down the line.

There are many things to consider when deciding on either an open or closed adoption. Go through the list of options and decide what situation you are going to be most comfortable with to make the adoption process as painless as possible.



Thanks to Abhishek Agarwal for contributing this article to our Adoption blog:

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Can you answer PhilM’s question about Adoption?:

After all, if the idea behind closed adoption is that the adoptive parent wants the child to be hers and hers alone, isn’t that suggestive of possessiveness and ownership?
“Did it ever occur to you that the adoptive parents want to feel like it is their child”?

Yes. It did. That’s why it seems like it promotes the idea of children as property.

And, in case you were curious, I have a LOT to do with adoption.

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Can you answer chinacat’s question about Adoption?:

i was born in michigan when all adoption records were sealed…some birth years have been grandfathered into a new law, but not the year i was born. any ideas?

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