Have you ever been the new person in a group?  Have you ever walked into a conversation and immediately knew you were intruding?  How did it make you feel?  Often, foster care programs fail to educate prospective parents on the wide range of

emotions a child may be experiencing when they arrive in a new home.

When a foster child comes into your home you may be very excited at their presence.  You may be afraid about what they will be like and if you can be a good parent to them.  You may have been waiting to love a child for a long time and the day has finally arrived.  Those are all valid feelings but I’d like you to consider setting aside how you feel and think about how your new child is feeling. They may be feeling like the odd man out, an intruder, or unwanted.

This person may have just been removed from a home where they have always lived with their biological parents.  No matter how abusive and rotten those people may have been, no matter how poor, dirty, and neglected your child was, they are still going to want their own mommy.  No one will ever replace that spot in your child’s heart and remembering that and even acknowledging it from time to time will go a long way toward helping you bond with this new child.  Also, remember that not all foster kids come from abusive or neglectful families.  There are many reasons a child can end up in foster care and sometimes it isn’t the birth parents who are in the wrong.

If you are thinking of having a huge welcoming party if you are aware of the placement date, consider if that is really what you would want if your whole world was falling apart?  Probably not. Be aware of the tender feelings you will be encountering and take it slow.  They, after all, may be sad and not in the mood for a party.  Be cheerful and welcoming, make a good meal and have a cozy room ready, but don’t have the expectation that they will show appreciation.

Offer lots of hugs and make sure you are clear about expectations but don’t have a long list of rules for them to memorize.  Something like, “This is a safe place for kids to live.  Our only rule is that you treat everyone else the way you want to be treated so that everyone here can stay safe.”  A statement like this can be referred to in any situation but is easy to remember and logical even to a child.

Overall, your main job fostering kids, especially in those first few weeks is to make certain your new children feel as safe as possible.  Try not to be constantly running from activity to activity, make sure everyone gets enough sleep, and find out about favorite foods so you can make your foster kids feel special and loved.



Thanks to Sandra Nardoni for contributing this article to our Adoption blog:

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Can you answer Ivonne’s question about Adoption?:

My local ABC News affiliate has a special segment every Wednesday called “Wednedays Child” and a lot of the kids they spotlight are special needs. Are their parents simply abandonding them because of the social stigma associated with them?? This is heart breaking. We are one sick society.

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Can you answer msmayasmom’s question about Adoption?:

my husband and i are considering an international adoption. not because of any recent hype, but because we feel that God might be leading us in that direction. we have one child of our own and she is amazing! but my heart is tugged by children all over the world that will never have a mom and dad, a loving family or toys of their own. has anyone had any first hand expirence with and international adoption? pros/cons? what about raising a child of a different race? is this still an issue in our society? thoughts?

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